WARNING: ALWAYS BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU PRAY FOR
I made the mistake of praying about my lack of humility and that God would "take this on as his Extreme Makeover". He is answering, and fast and right to the core of it. Ouch! It hurts to recognize how much I want to defend myself and justify my actions, opinions and shortcomings.
I have spent more time licking my wounds, developing arguments in my head and looking at the faults of others all to make myself feel a smidge better, than I care to admit (though it appears I did just admit it). I am not going to take the typical route of claiming I am amongst good company in my battle or use the "we" language instead of the "I or me" language to try and get myself off the hook. I am as guilty as they come and if this were a court of law I would be found overwhelmingly guilty and locked up for life. My self-preservation and pride go so deep I amaze myself.
I cry out for Your hand of mercy to free me. I am weak, I need Your love to free me. Oh, Lord my Rock come rescue me.
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Humility is tough, goes hand in hand with feeling humiliated and who wants to feel that? I really enjoyed reading your blog entry - It was more like a prayer or a psalm of David, very personal. A pastor once told us that we shouldn't keep our eyes on him but only on Christ because he (the pastor) could only lead us in our walk with Christ only as far as what he had achieved himself. I understood his meaning but what stuck with me is that I should only follow a pastor/leader if I believe he is closer to Christ than I am and has somewhere to lead me. I think you're doing a good job leading your flock.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading and leaving a comment, you and I might be the only ones reading it.
ReplyDeleteMore people read this than you think, but may not be to comfortable leaving their opinion. Or may also just soak up the knowledge you have left for them? either way this is my first post and i have read plenty :)
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